Walk on Broken Glass
by Trunks1
Summary: Sirius Black has half the female population of Hogwarts in love with him, too bad he's head over heels in love with one of his best friends. Too bad he's too chicken to do anything about it. (Remus/Sirius, during their MWPP days)


  
Title: Walk on Broken Glass  
  
By: Trunks  
  
Disclaimer: HP and company belong to J.K. Rowling, as well as whoever else owns them. I am not claiming that I own them, because I don't. I'm just borrowing them for this story ;)  
  
Author's notes: Poor Peter is hardly in this at all. Yeah, I know, no one likes him, but he was still there! Hmph. I refuse to call this fluff, because I don't believe it is. No, I refuse to believe it! It's slightly angsty, slightly romantic, and slightly comedy. I don't think I portrayed poor Lily very well, so I apologize :) Oh, and, I'm not sure when this takes place, beside in their MWPP days. Prolly in their 5th or 6th year.. *shrugs* Who knows?   
  
Extra: Parts 1 of 1  
  
  
  
  
"Padfoot, you are doing exceptionally terrible tonight," James spoke up, looking over Sirius' shoulder, shaking his head slightly. "I dare say, your mind does not seem to be on the game."   
  
Peter smiled in delight, moving one of his pawns forward. It was not often that Peter won in any sort of game, seeing as how he wasn't particularly good at most games, but, ironic enough, he was worse at chess.   
  
Sirius, however, who was usually rather good at chess, was losing. Badly.   
  
Glaring down at the small pieces, Sirius took a breath and moved his knight.   
  
"Padfoot!" James groaned, then sighed in frustration, as Peter's queen quickly captured Sirius' knight. Peter's pile of pieces was rapidly growing.   
  
Sirius blinked in confusion, then glared even harder at the pieces.   
  
James gave his black headed friend a pat on the shoulder. "Your dead, chum."   
  
This particular chess game had only been going on for a little over fifteen minutes, although, by the looks of it, Peter was going to have a swift victory. They had begun as soon as dinner had ended, deciding to have a nice friendly game of chess.   
  
However, Sirius was not sure what had provoked him to start the game. His mind, as James had so nicely mentioned, was, indeed, wondering. In fact, at this moment, it was over the rainbow with no visible means of return.   
  
Hastily, Sirius moved his last knight out onto the battlefield of pieces, finally claiming one of Peter's wretched pawns.   
  
Frowning, Peter studied the board for a few minutes, then his smile quickly returned and he moved his rook out.   
  
_I can't believe I'm losing, to Peter of all people!_   
  
Concentration had never really been Sirius' strong point, although he was making a large effort at it now, however fruitless it was. He was just postponing the inevitable. As James had, again so nicely, pointed out, he was going to lose.   
  
"Your move, Padfoot," James said, nudging Sirius slightly. "Pay attention."   
  
Glaring at his friend, Sirius move his knight again, capturing yet another little pawn.   
  
Sighing in exasperation, as Peter claimed Sirius' last knight, James shook his head. "You, my dear friend, are absolutely hopeless tonight. Wherever your sense of judgment went, I hope you reclaim it soon."   
  
"As if you didn't already know," Sirius grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest.   
  
James frowned a few minutes in confusion, before, slowly, he nodded and turned back to Peter. "Wormtail, your turn."   
  
It was at that moment that the portrait hole opened and Remus entered the room, carrying a small pile of books in his arms. The portrait closed behind him and Remus made his way over to his friends, dropping the books at their feet.   
  
Looking, first down at the books then, at Remus, James gave his friend a look of puzzlement. "What are those for?"   
  
Remus smiled. "The potions test tomorrow, James."   
  
Groaning, James practically fell to the floor, picking up on of the books. "Your just now reminding me about this?"   
  
Remus shrugged. "How was I to know you hadn't studied yet? Lily caught me in the library and asked me to bring these up to you, apparently she's staying down there to study."   
  
"I hate potions," James grumbled, picking the books up, one by one, and sitting them on one of the tables. "And let me guess, everyone but me is finished, right?"  
  
"I still have six inches left on it," Sirius stated, shrugging slightly. "I figured I would just do it during breakfast tomorrow."   
  
Making his way over to his two other friends, Remus placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder and peered over his shoulder, looking at the chessboard with slight interest. "Do everything at the last moment, hm? Who's winning?"   
  
Sirius swallowed.   
  
_This is **not** helping my resolve to not think about him._  
  
"I am," Peter spoke up happily, then looked up at Sirius with a grin. "Checkmate."  
  
  
  
-+-  
  
  
  
{a week earlier}  
  
  
There were a variety of things in the world that could totally and utterly shock James Potter, although it did take quite a lot. He had this inhuman superpower of being able to tell if something was bothering someone, so it was awfully hard to hide anything from good o'le James.   
  
James Potter also wasn't the sort of fellow that let his friends be unhappy or depressed, about anything. There was always a solution to everything, even if he didn't know what it was. It was there, he was sure of that.   
  
So, although many had tried, it was relatively hard to shock James. He was just the kind of person that expected strange things to happen.   
  
Severus Snape suddenly jumping onto his desk, in Potions, and stripping wouldn't have even shocked him. Well, okay, maybe that's giving him a bit too much credit. After all, he's only human. But, as has been said, it was just not an everyday thing.   
  
Therefore, James wasn't surprised when his best friend, Sirius Black, sat down across from him and remained silent. The dark haired Marauder had been unusually silent these past few months, which had struck James as quite peculiar. Sirius was loud. That's all there was to it.   
  
Looking up from his Charms homework, James smiled brightly as his friend, who gave a small smile. James hadn't expected much more than that. Still, it didn't dampen his spirits.   
  
"Evening, Padfoot, what brings you to my humble abode?" James asked, quickly beginning to jot down more of his homework, looking thoughtful at the parchment. He still had three inches to go, with nothing more to ramble on about. Oh well, he would just have to write in larger print.. That always worked.   
  
Sirius remained silent for another moment, before sighing. "I have a problem, Prongs."   
  
James nodded, indicating that his friend should continue, although he frowned when Sirius continued to stay silent. He certainly wasn't making this easy, was he?   
  
Usually, when Sirius had problems, he loved to ramble on and on about them. He talked, James listened, then Sirius felt better. That was always how it was, which was just fine with James. He rather liked being able to help his friends, considering they always helped him.   
  
Looking up, James gave his friend a pointed look. "Padfoot.."   
  
James **had** been wondering what had gotten into his friend as of lately. They had turned Lucius Malfoy's hair green yesterday and Sirius had barely grinned. Something was dreadfully wrong, indeed.   
  
If he was sick, wouldn't he have already told them that? No, it was, most likely, something more seri-  
  
"I'm in love with Remus."   
  
James blinked, shaking his head slightly, quite taken aback.   
  
_Well, I certainly didn't expect **that**._   
  
"Pardon?"   
  
Sirius gave James an annoyed look. "I'm in love."   
  
"Yes, yes, I heard that part. With **Remus**?"  
  
It certainly wasn't what he had expected at all. Sirius in love. Sirius in love with Remus! It was, most certainly, not what he expected.   
  
_But, it does explain a lot. Yes, now I wonder why I didn't see it before. I must have been **blind**. Oh, but this does change a lot, now doesn't it..._   
  
"James, quite scheming and come back to reality," Sirius said, tapping James on his shoulder slightly.   
  
Turning his head back to his friend, James smiled. "That's great, Padfoot!"   
  
Sirius just looked at his friend blankly for a few moments, before blinking. "You.. You don't mind?"   
  
"Why should I mind, Sirius? It's your life, after all," James replied, still smiling.   
  
"Yes, I know that," Sirius said, then sighed.   
  
_My, my, this certainly is a wonderful turn of events. Hmmm.._   
  
James frowned slightly, "So, I don't see why that's a problem, Padfoot."   
  
Laying down by the fireplace, Sirius stared up at the ceiling. "Think about it real hard, James, if that's possible for you. I'm in love with Remus, who just happens to be one of our best friends and, to top it all off, a guy."   
  
Pausing for a moment, James shrugged. "Does it bother you that he's a guy?"   
  
"No."   
  
"Well then," James began, "I'm only guessing here, but your worried about that friend part, right?"   
  
A nod. "I'm rather fond of our friendship. I would hate for my unrequited feelings to completely ruin that."   
  
James gave his friend a 'look'. "Stop being so dramatic. 'Unrequited love'.. Hmph. Listen, Padfoot, I know this is going to sound terrible cliché and unhelpful, but you never going to know if it's requited or not if you don't **tell** him."   
  
"I know that, but.." Sirius paused, before frowning. "What if he doesn't feel the same way and I've completely ruined our friendship?"   
  
"Well, Padfoot, you have to decide what you want more. To take a chance and see how he feels, or to just love him from afar," James answered.   
  
Sirius sat up, running a hand through his black hair, before looking over at James out of the corner of his eye. "Take a chance, hm?"  
  
"Love is full of 'em," James replied, smiling again.   
  
_If only Lily were here... She loves playing cupid._   
  
Sighing, Sirius stood up. "Thanks, James."   
  
James smirked. "Anytime, Sirius, anytime."   
  
  
  
-+-  
  
  
  
Two hours after the fateful chess game, Sirius could be found laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a frown upon his features.   
  
_Sirius, you are, undoubtedly, a complete idiot._  
  
James had continued to urge him to tell Remus how he felt, but, despite that, Sirius had made no attempt at it. And he wasn't about to either.   
  
There were some things that were best just kept locked inside.   
  
The mere thought of Remus finding out how he felt caused a very unpleasant twist in his chest, which also happened every time he was around the other boy. It was hard, being around him everyday, having him playfully put his arm around him, having to realize that that's all it was; just play. Just as friends.   
  
_Of course, James is right. I'll never find out if I don't tell him.._   
  
Sitting up, a determined look crossed his face. Why not now?   
  
Jumping off his bed, he made his way down into the common room, looking around for the brown haired boy. If he was going to do this, he might as well do it before he lost his nerve. Which, at the moment, was quickly dissolving into fine dust.   
  
Yes, hurrying was a good idea.   
  
Remus was seated in one of the squishy chairs that sat next to the window, comfortably reading a thin fiction book. Today was the perfect day for reading. Cold outside, warm inside. Yes, the perfect time to read.   
  
Except that Sirius had too much pent up energy to actually sit down and read something for more than a few minutes. It was a wonder he ever got his homework done.   
  
Taking a deep breath, he made his way over to where Remus sat, leaning up against the wall beside his chair.   
  
Looking up from his book, Remus smiled. "Hi, Padfoot."   
  
_You can do this.. It's very simple. Very, very simple._  
  
"Watcha reading, Moony?" Sirius asked, leaning around to see the front cover of the book, before promptly raising an eyebrow and giving Remus a questioning glance. "Fairy tales, Remus?"   
  
Remus shrugged, closing the book and sitting it in his lap. Then he smiled again and looked up at Sirius again. "Something on your mind, Padfoot?"   
  
Sirius nodded, gazing out the snowy window. "Remus, do you ever plan on getting married? Or, maybe, just finding someone?"   
  
His smile slipping away to one of no emotion, Remus shrugged again, reopening his book and pretending to read. "No one wants a werewolf, Sirius."  
  
"Moony..."   
  
"Do you, Padfoot?" Remus asked, eager in turning the conversation away from himself. "Ever plan to settle down, that is."   
  
_Remus, your too hard on yourself._   
  
"Maybe," Sirius said, tearing his eyes away from the window. "But I doubt it will ever happen."   
  
Remus looked up from his book. "And why would that be? You have three quarters of the female population in this school falling at your feet."   
  
Sirius shrugged. "You know I don't like any of them like that."   
  
"Hm."   
  
"Oh, don't go being all serious now," Sirius smirked, nudging Remus slightly.   
  
The other boy smiled, then gave Sirius a knowing look. "That's not what you wanted to tell me, is it?"   
  
_Caught. I really hate this game. _   
  
Still smirking, Sirius shrugged again. "You know me all too well, Moony."   
  
"Yes, it's a bit scary sometimes," Remus laughed, eyes sparkling with amusement. "So?"   
  
"So what?"   
  
"What did you want to tell me?"   
  
"Ah, it was nothing important."   
  
"I bet it was."   
  
"Nah, just forget about it, okay?"   
  
Remus gave his friend a small glance, before returning to his book.   
  
_I am such a chicken._  
  
Pushing himself away from the wall, Sirius started to walk away, only to stop dead in his tracks and swallow. Standing across the room, James was giving him a very stern look, one that said 'get back there and do it right'.   
  
James could be a real nuisance if he wanted to.   
  
"Actually, Moony, on second thought," Sirius backed up until he was back at his spot at the wall, looking down at Remus, "I think I need to talk to you."   
  
Closing his book, Remus sat up straighter and looked up at him. "Yes?"   
  
_Okay, you have his undivided attention, do something._   
  
"Moony, what would you do if you were in love with someone and were certain they would never, ever feel the same way?" Sirius asked, deciding the ceiling was quite interesting to look at.   
  
Remus looked thoughtful for a moment, contemplating the question. "Well, if I was absolutely certain that they had no interest in me, I might mope around for a while, lose concentration, and just downright not act like myself."   
  
_I sense something familiar here.._   
  
"Your mocking me," Sirius stated, frowning at his friend.   
  
"No, I'm not," Remus said firmly. "I'll tell you the same thing that anyone else will tell you, Sirius, you do not know for certain that someone does not like you unless you ask them."   
  
Sirius remained silent for a moment, then sighed. "That doesn't help me very much, you know."   
  
"Your the only one that can help you, Sirius," Remus replied softly. "If you really love someone, you have to let them know. Moping about the castle is not going to make you feel any better."  
  
"Hm. Maybe.."   
  
"So who is it?"   
  
Blinking, Sirius turned his attention away from the ceiling. "Hm?"   
  
"Who is it your so hopelessly in love with that you let Peter beat you at chess?" Remus asked, with another look of amusement.   
  
Sirius smirked. "You'll laugh."   
  
"No, I won't. It doesn't matter to me who you love."   
  
"What if I told you it was Snape?"   
  
A pause. "Well.. I suppose, after I died of shock, I would be okay with it."   
  
Another pause. "It's not really Snape is it, Sirius?"   
  
Chuckling, Sirius shook his head. "No, it's not."   
  
Remus smiled. "I didn't think so, but you never know with you, Sirius. So, then who is it?"  
  
_Well... He said he wouldn't mind who it was.. Of course, he could be lying.. Nah, Moony doesn't lie. _  
  
Sirius took a deep breath. There had to be an easier way to do this. Remus was sitting there, all calm, and he was a bundle of nerves. "Okay, suppose I told you it was you, then what would you say?"   
  
Silence.   
  
_Maybe he did lie. Maybe it does matter who it is._  
  
  
  
-+-  
  
  
  
Remus Lupin was not the type that doubted friendship, not when he had so little of it. Oh, yes, he had a lot of friends, but there were only three he really trusted. Trusted more than anything in the world.   
  
After all, not many people befriend a werewolf, do they? Not many people want to have anything to do with them, let alone study for years to actually become animals so that they could help one of them.   
  
Maybe that's why Remus cherished their friendship so much. Maybe that's why he now looked forward to going to Hogwarts every year, so that he could be with them.   
  
Because, around them, the transformations were not so bad. He didn't hurt himself as much, didn't feel so much pain, and he didn't feel alone. Not when they were with him.   
  
But, things had changed, and the change was no where near being for the better.   
  
He had always felt a certain bond towards Sirius, something that he just didn't have with the other Marauders. They were all, and would always be, friend, no matter what. But, he had to admit to himself, he wasn't a very good friend to Sirius anymore.   
  
No, quite the contrary, he was a **terrible** friend. And why? Why was it that he could stand to be around the other boy for long periods of time? Why did he feel as if he just needed to stay with him, but, when he was with him, felt as if he wanted to run in the opposite direction?   
  
Those questions had plagued him for years, longer than he cared to count.   
  
Of course, he had been young then, too young to understand his own emotions. His own puzzling emotions.   
  
However, when the realization that he did indeed have romantic feelings for Sirius, joy was not one of the emotions that he felt. He felt fear first; fear that, if Sirius found out, he would lose him as a friend. He didn't want to lose any of his friends, not a single one of them. After fear subsided, there was that normal reaction of sadness that seemed to consume him.   
  
Remus was familiar with this feeling, he had lived with it for most of his life. Sadness always seemed to creep up upon Remus whenever he would remember even his own family didn't want him around, because of what he was. Something he had never wanted to be in the first place, but that didn't matter to anyone else.   
  
So, it wasn't anything new, except that constant nagging in the back of his head that reminded him to act normal around Sirius. To not let him know that he was secretly dying to kiss him, to be with him, to just simply love him and to be loved back.   
  
Of course he had noticed Sirius' behavior change, even if it had started out slowly, he had caught on in an instant. Not that much could be done about that. Sirius might have been the one to like to talk, but if he didn't want you to know something, you didn't know it.  
  
However, Remus did know it was just a matter of time before Sirius went and spoke to James about whatever was bothering him. It always happened that way. James was just the kind of person you could tell things to. He just had that aura around him.   
  
But, he hadn't expected Sirius to also come talk to him. Sure, Sirius talked to him about a lot of stuff, even stuff that he didn't tell James, but, usually, James was just a better problem-solver than Remus was.   
  
The conversation had gone much like he had expected. Sirius danced around the real subject of why he had come to talk to Remus, but didn't dare tread across it. However, he did eventually get to it.   
  
"Moony, what would you do if you were in love with someone and were certain they would never, ever feel the same way?" Sirius asked, then directed his gaze up towards the ceiling, as if he didn't want to look at anyone.   
  
It certainly was not the question Remus had expected him to ask, but he wasn't really surprised.   
"Well, if I was absolutely certain that they had no interest in me, I might mope around for a while, lose concentration, and just downright not act like myself," Remus answered after a moment, liking it much more when Sirius' gaze fell from the ceiling onto him again.   
  
"Your mocking me," he frowned.  
  
"No, I'm not. I'll tell you the same thing that anyone else will tell you, Sirius, you do not know for certain that someone does not like you unless you ask them."  
  
_I'm one to talk. I've done nothing but curse myself for falling in love with you, never bothering to do a thing about it, and here I am giving you advice._  
  
He remained silent for a moment, then sighed. "That doesn't help me very much, you know."   
  
"Your the only one that can help you, Sirius," Remus replied softly, although really felt as if he should have been taking his own advice. "If you really love someone, you have to let them know. Moping about the castle is not going to make you feel any better."  
  
"Hm. Maybe.." Sirius didn't look very convinced.   
  
"So who is it?" Remus questioned, his book completely forgotten. It wasn't important now anyway, it never was. Sirius however.. He was important.   
  
_Important.. That's an understatement. He's more like something I need to survive. Air, if you will._  
  
Sirius blinked for a moment, before he turned his attention away from the ceiling. "Hm?"   
  
"Who is it your so hopelessly in love with that you let Peter beat you at chess?" Remus asked, with a look of amusement, despite the hollow feeling he felt now.   
  
_What did you expect, for him to fall all over himself proclaiming his eternal love for you? Remus, your hopeless._  
  
Sirius smirked. "You'll laugh."   
  
_I think not._  
  
"No, I won't. It doesn't matter to me who you love."   
  
_I'm such a liar.._   
  
"What if I told you it was Snape?"   
  
_Snape? As in Severus Snape?!_  
  
Remus paused, fighting his best to regain his calm. "Well.. I suppose, after I died of shock, I would be okay with it."   
  
Then, Remus paused again. "It's not really Snape is it, Sirius?"   
  
Chuckling, Sirius shook his head. "No, it's not."   
  
_No, of course not. Well, that's a relief._  
  
Remus smiled. "I didn't think so, but you never know with you, Sirius. So, then who is it?"  
  
All amusement in Remus was now gone. This entire conversation was not one he had wanted to have with Sirius. It may have been greedy or selfish, but Remus did not want to talk about who Sirius was in love with. It hurt too much.   
  
_Your a terrible friend. You can't even listen to what's going on in his life without wishing it were you he was in love with instead. Your lucky he can even still stand to be around you, Remus._   
  
He heard Sirius take a breath, before he looked at him and spoke. "Okay, suppose I told you it was you, then what would you say?"  
  
_Don't say that, please don't say that.._   
  
After a few minutes, Remus cast his eyes downward, not wanting to look at his friend any longer.   
  
"I would say, don't say it unless you mean it."   
  
  
  
-+-  
  
  
  
"Can you hear what they are saying?"   
  
"No, but it's definitely serious."   
  
"How can you tell?"   
  
"It's woman's intuition, James, just trust me."   
  
James frowned, shifting in his seat. He really wanted to hear what they were saying. Lily could pretty much tell what was happening.   
  
_I'll never understand women._   
  
Lily craned her head around the first year group, who were sitting in front of them playing Exploding Snap. "Okay, I don't know what's going on, but we're overdue for a kiss now."   
  
"You have this scheduled?" James raised an eyebrow.   
  
Waving her hand to hush him, Lily nodded. "We've had the long, drawn out talk, then the uncomfortably silence, one of them should jump up and proclaim their love any moment now, then there should be a kiss. It's all common knowledge, James."   
  
"Oh, yes, of course," James said, nodding in an understanding way. But, of course, he really had no idea what she was going on about. From what he could see, Sirius was just taking an extremely long time in telling Remus what he felt, which wasn't good. If he kept on, he would lose his nerve and then where would they be? Nowhere.   
  
Then, turning back to her, James cleared his throat. "You know, this probably won't go like a soap opera or anything."   
  
"So, you automatically assume all females watch soap operas and read romance novels?"   
  
"Well.. don't you?"   
  
An exasperated sigh. "Of course not."   
  
"I saw those books in your room, they all had cheesy titles and such. Romance novels."   
  
"Those were just a- You went through my stuff?!"   
  
"They were laying out on your desk! In plain view! OW!"   
  
  
  
-+-  
  
  
  
"I would say, don't say it unless you mean it."   
  
Sirius took a moment to find his voice again. "Excuse me?"   
  
"You heard me."   
  
_Unless I mean it? Oh, Remus, if only you knew.._   
  
Taking another breath, Sirius looked down at the other boy, who was still looking downward at the floor. "And what if I did mean it?"   
  
_That got his attention._   
  
Remus swallowed, looking up at his friend again. "If you really meant it?"   
  
"Yes," Sirius nodded, regaining some of his nerves. "What would you say?"   
  
Another silence followed.   
  
Sirius was almost sure he wasn't going to answer, when he stood up and crossed his arms, that calmness that Remus always possessed, once again, gaining control over his features. Remus had a terrible habit of remaining calm.   
  
"I wouldn't say a thing," Remus replied.   
  
_He doesn't... Well, what did you expect, Sirius?_  
  
Sirius swallowed, "Oh."   
  
"I wouldn't say anything," Remus repeated, then standing up, he gave Sirius a seductive look. "But I just might do something."  
  
_Do something?_  
  
There was hardly any time for Sirius to contemplate this, as Remus had already pulled him into a deep kiss, quite intent on ridding Sirius of his puzzled look. The kiss was quite chaste, but more than anything Sirius could have pictured or dreamed up. Kissing Remus and dreaming of kissing Remus were to entirely different things. And Sirius like this a lot more than dreaming.   
  
After a few moments, Remus pulled away for air, his face flushed, with a smile across his features.   
  
"Ah, yes, well," Sirius managed, searching for any words at all. "I suppose I'll know what to expect then."   
  
"Why don't you tell me, so that I can do it again?"   
  
Sirius grinned, "You tell me."   
  
Still smiling, Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius. "I love you, Sirius."   
  
_I had better not be dreaming. I'll die if I'm dreaming._   
  
"I love you, Remus."   
  
Neither of the two young men noticed the cheers coming from where Lily and James sat.   
  
  
  
  
More author's notes: Thank you for reading ^_^  



End file.
